Phase 1: Stop Being a Preppy
First things first, if you're not a teenage boy, just stop reading here. Punk is only for young boys, if you're over 20 --- you're a yuppie, even if you have three dollars to your name, unless you're Ian MacKaye, in that case, you will always be honorarily too young to drink, so honorarily punk. Forget the 80's punks, they all turned into grandpa preppies, who cares if they still listen to the music, who cares if they're Henry Rollins, they dared to get old, and getting old is NOT PUNK.
Secondly, throw away everything you own, pictures of your grandma aren't punk, your baby blanket is not punk, if your mom would find any value in it, it's not punk. Throw away everything sentimental, you have to eat sleep and breathe punk, there is no room for mom and pop in your new lifestyle.
Third: ditch your old friends. You can't possibly be seen with preppies, you can't even be seen with other social outcasts, no nerds, no goths, no nothing. get new friends, friends who will look angsty with you while you sit in front of your local upscale shopping mall, or at the skate park. Maybe they'll even look mean with you at shows, as long as they stay away from the mosh pit, they can't mess up their hair. The list of social groups you can be friends with is as follows: punks.
Phase 2: The Look
Only posers become cultured in the music before they start looking the part, to like the music and to go to the shows you have to look like one of them. Conform to them so you can all be nonconformists!
Your hair: You aren't allowed to have your hair below your chin, it's a rule. And if it's not dyed you might as well not even be punk. Cut it yourself with kitchen scissors or else you're a poser, or dog clippers like Ian MacKaye if you want it short. But not skinhead short, because it's NOT just a phony division by the underground press, even if they're not hammerskins or fascist, even if they just really like ska, you don't talk to skinheads, only posers like skinheads.
Your clothes: Exclusively shop at Urban Outfitters, the posers say it's for yuppies, what do they know? They shop at thrift stores and have to see meth head mothers and their too skinny alien babies. You buy that 30$ Sex Pistols t shirt. You can only wear skinny jeans. And you need a really cool vest or jacket, and you'll see people talking about making their own, but that's for poor people, you should just buy your own on etsy with daddy's cash.
Your room: Be really dirty, like clinical depression dirty.
Phase 3: The Music
Just listen to Rodney On The Roq or whatever, not like Rodney Bingenheimer ruined literally everyone's life. The list of bands you're allowed to listen to be are as follows, if you don't listen to these bands and these bands only, you're a poser:
The Ramones
The Clash
The Sex Pistols
Ignore everything made after 1980, those guys are posers.
Phase 3: Attitude
Just be a total jerk to everyone, even your friends.
Phase 2: The Look
Only posers become cultured in the music before they start looking the part, to like the music and to go to the shows you have to look like one of them. Conform to them so you can all be nonconformists!
Your hair: You aren't allowed to have your hair below your chin, it's a rule. And if it's not dyed you might as well not even be punk. Cut it yourself with kitchen scissors or else you're a poser, or dog clippers like Ian MacKaye if you want it short. But not skinhead short, because it's NOT just a phony division by the underground press, even if they're not hammerskins or fascist, even if they just really like ska, you don't talk to skinheads, only posers like skinheads.
Your clothes: Exclusively shop at Urban Outfitters, the posers say it's for yuppies, what do they know? They shop at thrift stores and have to see meth head mothers and their too skinny alien babies. You buy that 30$ Sex Pistols t shirt. You can only wear skinny jeans. And you need a really cool vest or jacket, and you'll see people talking about making their own, but that's for poor people, you should just buy your own on etsy with daddy's cash.
Your room: Be really dirty, like clinical depression dirty.
Phase 3: The Music
Just listen to Rodney On The Roq or whatever, not like Rodney Bingenheimer ruined literally everyone's life. The list of bands you're allowed to listen to be are as follows, if you don't listen to these bands and these bands only, you're a poser:
The Ramones
The Clash
The Sex Pistols
Ignore everything made after 1980, those guys are posers.
Phase 3: Attitude
Just be a total jerk to everyone, even your friends.
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